I posted this on a forum today and it made some people there laugh, it's a true story of someone trying to remember a joke. Beware, there is a fair bit of swearing in there...
My mate Paul was in the pub chatting to my other mate Alan:
Alan: "I went to Jamaica for Christmas"
Paul: "Jamaica?"
Alan: "Yeah, it was nice"
Paul: "No no... you are meant to say "she went on her own""
Alan: "Who?"
Paul: "Your wife"
Alan: "I'm not married"
Paul: "No... its a joke, you say you made your wife go there"
Alan: "Where?"
Paul: "Jamaica"
Alan: "I'm not married, and to be honest it was more of a lads holiday"
Paul: "No no... you say you went to Jamaica and..."
Alan: "I did"
Paul: "No! You say you went to Jamaica..."
Alan: "I did! Fucking hell!"
Paul: "No! Shut up! Hang on... you say you went to erm... no hang on... your wife went to Jamaica and..."
Alan: "I'm not fucking married what are you on about? I'm not even seeing anyone! I went with Terry!"
Paul: "No no! Wait... hang on... let me get this straight... You say you went to Jamaica and... no hang on... that's not right is it?"
Alan: "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!"
Paul: "Hang on! fucking hell! Let me think... You went with... or did you take your wife..."
Alan "I'm not..."
Paul: "Ssssh... you went and I say...hang on... I'll ring Tony, he does a bot of comedy he'll know"
Me (sitting watching tv at home, phone rings): Hello?
Paul: Tony? If I say I went to Jamaica what do you say?
Me: Did you?
Paul: No! I'm with Alan, listen... if I say I went to Jamaica what do you say?"
Me: I thought he went with Terry?
Paul: No!!!!! Fucking hell! What's fucking wrong with you people? (sound of Alan in background "It's not our fault you aren't making any sense")
Me: Is that Alan?
Paul: Yes... but listen, if I say I went to Jamaica...
Me: Are you in Jamaica now?
Paul: No! Oh fück it! Fucking hell! Listen! Okay okay... if I say I went to Jamaica... do I say my wife went to Jamaica or me?"
Me: You aren't married, are you getting married? Jamaica is nice for a honeymoon but it wouldn't be my first choice mate"
Paul: No! FUCKING HELL! SHUT UP! FUCKING HELL! LISTEN TO ME...
Me: alright! fucking hell calm down!
Paul: I AM FUCKING CALM! FUCKING HELL!
Alan: (in background): You aren't fucking calm
Paul: Sssssssh! Fucking hell... If... just pretend... if I said I went... no hang on... my wife went to Jamaica... what would you say?"
Me: Are you talking to me?
Paul: YES!
Me: Is this that joke? Are you trying to tell me a joke?
Paul (Relieved): Yeas! (to Alan) he's got it... he knows!
Alan (in background): Got what?
Me: You say "my wife went to the Caribbean" you fucking idiot
Paul: Before or after Jamaica?
I then hung up.
We still laugh about it years later and Paul still gets wound up about it.
My mate Paul was in the pub chatting to my other mate Alan:
Alan: "I went to Jamaica for Christmas"
Paul: "Jamaica?"
Alan: "Yeah, it was nice"
Paul: "No no... you are meant to say "she went on her own""
Alan: "Who?"
Paul: "Your wife"
Alan: "I'm not married"
Paul: "No... its a joke, you say you made your wife go there"
Alan: "Where?"
Paul: "Jamaica"
Alan: "I'm not married, and to be honest it was more of a lads holiday"
Paul: "No no... you say you went to Jamaica and..."
Alan: "I did"
Paul: "No! You say you went to Jamaica..."
Alan: "I did! Fucking hell!"
Paul: "No! Shut up! Hang on... you say you went to erm... no hang on... your wife went to Jamaica and..."
Alan: "I'm not fucking married what are you on about? I'm not even seeing anyone! I went with Terry!"
Paul: "No no! Wait... hang on... let me get this straight... You say you went to Jamaica and... no hang on... that's not right is it?"
Alan: "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!"
Paul: "Hang on! fucking hell! Let me think... You went with... or did you take your wife..."
Alan "I'm not..."
Paul: "Ssssh... you went and I say...hang on... I'll ring Tony, he does a bot of comedy he'll know"
Me (sitting watching tv at home, phone rings): Hello?
Paul: Tony? If I say I went to Jamaica what do you say?
Me: Did you?
Paul: No! I'm with Alan, listen... if I say I went to Jamaica what do you say?"
Me: I thought he went with Terry?
Paul: No!!!!! Fucking hell! What's fucking wrong with you people? (sound of Alan in background "It's not our fault you aren't making any sense")
Me: Is that Alan?
Paul: Yes... but listen, if I say I went to Jamaica...
Me: Are you in Jamaica now?
Paul: No! Oh fück it! Fucking hell! Listen! Okay okay... if I say I went to Jamaica... do I say my wife went to Jamaica or me?"
Me: You aren't married, are you getting married? Jamaica is nice for a honeymoon but it wouldn't be my first choice mate"
Paul: No! FUCKING HELL! SHUT UP! FUCKING HELL! LISTEN TO ME...
Me: alright! fucking hell calm down!
Paul: I AM FUCKING CALM! FUCKING HELL!
Alan: (in background): You aren't fucking calm
Paul: Sssssssh! Fucking hell... If... just pretend... if I said I went... no hang on... my wife went to Jamaica... what would you say?"
Me: Are you talking to me?
Paul: YES!
Me: Is this that joke? Are you trying to tell me a joke?
Paul (Relieved): Yeas! (to Alan) he's got it... he knows!
Alan (in background): Got what?
Me: You say "my wife went to the Caribbean" you fucking idiot
Paul: Before or after Jamaica?
I then hung up.
We still laugh about it years later and Paul still gets wound up about it.
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