India or bust.



     I write for a living. Well actually, now that I think about it, that’s not true. I sell books for a living, I write books for fun.
     I don’t sell any old book mind, I only sell the ones that I write (although if I like your book I will chuck a tweet out there for the world to read, well the 1500 people on it who follow me on twitter that is,) so anyway, I sell books for a living, and I sell those books on the Amazon Kindle.
     The other day I heard that the world’s population is seven billion. Now, by anyone’s imagination, even a Wall Street banker’s, that is an awful lot of people. I wasn’t sure if it was true, so I Googled it, and found this site:


     This site is a weird kind of place where you can watch the world population clock spit out an ever increasing number as all over the world babies pop out to add to the delight that is mankind.
     For a while, looking at the number depressed me as I considered the famine and disease and pain and suffering in the world.  But then, after a minute or two, it dawned on me that all over the world the exact same number of babies that was popping out was equalled by people having joyous sex and I delighted in the fun and ecstasy that all that entails.
     And I was happy, for a while, and then I became depressed again, because I realised I wasn’t one of the joyous people having sex.
     But anyway, as I was saying, I sell books for a living.
     So I looked at the seven billion people in the world (not literally, that would be a worse job than selling books), and I thought,
     “If zero point one percent of that seven billion bought my book, I’d be able to retire from selling books, and I’d just be able to write them.”
     So after thinking about all this brain numbing stuff I decided to have a look at my Kindle Direct Publishing page (this is the place where I find out how many books I’ve not managed to sell each month), and while I was there I spotted something that I’d never seen before... my books are on sale in India.
     Now, I knew there are a lot of people in India. But, just to be sure I looked on Wikipedia (because everything is true there, I know this because someone told me so on Wikipedia) and it told me that there are 1.2 billion people in India right now.
1.2 billion people (I don’t know how many are being born or having sex and I quite frankly don’t want to think about it).
     Now I’m guessing, with a fair degree of certainty that they don’t all have kindles, not even the old dodgy ones that used to leave ink on your fingers.
     But what I am guessing is that an awful lot of them do. So, I’ve discovered a massive market that speaks my language (I’ve not sold many books in Italy or Germany I can tell you).
     And what am I doing to sell my books there? Nothing, not a jot, nada, nowt, कुछ नहीं

(that’s Hindi for nothing apparently).
     So what do i do? Do I try to sell books in India via twitter? It is a world wide platform, but to be honest, twitter doesn't work for selling books. It's a lazy way of feeling like you've done something to promote your book, nobody buys after a tweet, not even a bird.
     Do Iwrite a blog? Well, I supose that's what I'm doing right now, but i doubt this will sell any books either, they never do!
     No, there is nothing else for it, I'm going to have research the Indian market, track down some popular blogs and trade sites and I'm going to have work hard to get a toe hold in potentially the biggest English speaking market in the world.
     And in the mean time, I'm going to have to figure out how to find some time to do some writing, because that is, after all, all I really want to be doing.

My latest book, Rear View Mirror, a tale of lager, love, the lost and the lonely on the streets of Liverpool is available here.